Apocalypse Training 101

Many of you may remember an internet fueled hysteria earlier this year regarding the inevitability of the fabled biblical rapture singling out all of Gods winners from the rest of us poor saps in an epic game of cosmic dodge ball. You may also remember that come the date of the supposed reckoning, a whopping "not a damn thing" actually happened, much to the delight of atheists and heathens everywhere.

We scraped by that particular threat of global annihilation, but another is on the horizon if you go in for the whole "Mayan Calendar 2012 Dooms Day" theory. In all likelihood, that day will pass just as quietly and with as many twitter trends as the last one. I may sound like someone who is skeptical of these purported prophecies, laughing it and joking at the rapture party with the rest of the heathens, but there is one global threat that wakes me up cold in the middle of the night...one potential societal down fall that gets me prepped to horde food water and guns and plot my over throw of the local Wal-Mart...

Zombies.

Boss and I have never really made a secret of the fact that we are prepping ourselves for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Boss works on their hand eye coordination and killing speed by playing copious amounts of first person shooting games (though admittedly their training is falling behind due to a negligent lack of gaming system at the moment)  and PinkOne is often found working on her various zombie destruction devices along with honing her ninja skills.

When you watch as many horror movies as we do, and believe pretty firmly that biological terrorism is going to be one of the many downfalls of society as we now know it, its not hard to see the undead walking among us, hungering for brains as a very real possibility.

Are we ready? Not even a little bit, but we've started the process, and the process begins with freezer bags.

Zombie apocalypse or no, we are poor, and have started this new habit of hording food for the indeterminate future in which we may not have any. It all started with spaghetti sauce. I had this brilliant plan to buy a flat of tomatoes and solve the household sauce crisis in fell swoop. 60,000 tomatoes and like a bazillion hours later, we had a whopping 8 bags of sauce. Good sauce, but not exactly apocalypse hysteria resolution amounts of it. So I moved on to soup, tomatoes proving to be both time intensive and expensive, not to mention the possible lack of pasta come the day of reckoning. Soup however, needs no vehicle, it is a self contained food stuff.

We made Pea Soup, Chicken Noodle Soup and Red Pepper/Garbanzo Soup, all quite good, though the second batch of chicken noodle has now been re purposed as "cream of stuff" due to a soggy noodle disaster. After the soup, we have sort of gone...some might say overboard. Our freezer is now stuffed with bags of frozen concoctions. From noodles and beef to blanched and frozen fresh veggies, we are going to be sitting pretty when we finally run out of money/food/ability to go to the grocery store and I actually allow someone to eat my precious stores.

I have become the Gollum of the freezer. No one is allowed to touch my treasures. What if we need them? What if the day that the car explodes and we have none dollars and every last scrap of food in the house has been devoured and the zombies are groaning toward us at an alarming rate, and we say to ourselves "all that will fix this is some of Mom's Red Pepper and Garbanzo soup" only to open the freezer and find that we had frivolously eaten it one day because we were too lazy to cook something fresh. How will we all feel THEN I ask you?

I've already gone through my jam from last summer, and I haven't a clue what we will do with out that when the world comes to an end. Its dry toast for everyone since you didn't heed my warnings about squandering jam.

This latest bought of crazy is often met with eye rolling from Boss and PinkOne, not that I blame them, we all know in the end, the power grids are going to fail anyway and there won't be a way to heat my precious soup, but, its always good to be prepared.