1) As many of you are probably aware, I am now well on my way to being divorced. My soon to be ex husband, featured in a previous blog titled "My Walking Fart Joke", is doing everything he can to drive me up a wall. This should surprise no one.
2) I have moved in with my soon to be ex husbands former best friend Jon, who is now MY best friend. We are living in the perfect, sexless marriage. He cleans, i'm pretty stoked on that.
3) The Pinkone is now in kindergarten, this school year is already ripe with blog topics. From her insistence that she is now a wereostrich (a were wolf, ostrich hybrid whose magical properties include, but are not limited to, making a loud honking sound at anyone who dare ask WHAT a wereostritich is.) To her new-found faith that God will answer her prayer and turn her into a vampire, the pinkone promises to continue to provide the blog-o-verse with a plethora of "WTF is wrong with that kid" moments, just like she does her mother.
So, to get back on topic, we here at the Mediocre Ranch are gearing up for my favorite holiday, you know as well as I do....Ramadan.
Okay, no, it's Christmas.
My family DOES Christmas. Every year the traditional decorations are hauled out of storage, the traditional cookies are baked en-masse, the traditional scream of "YOU ARE RUINING CHRISTMAS!" is heard from a crying sister...its really a magical time of year.
One of the most important pieces of Christmas for my family revolves around the Stocking. The sisters and I have a tradition of opening our stockings together, in the wee hours of the morning while watching our 15th consecutive viewing of "A Christmas Story" on TBS and gorging on leftover bagel bites from the night before. I have not been able to participate in this tradition over the last several years because I had this weird little family of my own that required traditions to be created and in laws to placate.
So, being newly single, having no in laws to placate, and full custody, I'm headed to mom's and I'm eating my damn bagel bites and opening my damn stocking as early as I please.
One note of sadness in this whole litany of joy. Who exactly is going to FILL my stocking?
The roll of Santa was traditionally played by Dude. He always did Christmas quite well. There would be books, and candy and elvis playing cards, and all sorts of trinkets for my early morning amusement. He would even stay up and watch "A Christmas Story" with me at least once while I pawed through my haul.
So who fills Mama's stocking now? I'm sure there will be a mishmash of gifties from my awesome friend family, my sisters who would NEVER let anyone go without a stocking on Christmas, and my mom, but its kind of not the same.
The stocking debacle is one of several things I'm having a hard time with this Christmas. Usually, I am totally Griswaldian regarding the holiday. I want the tree, I want the gifts, I want special breakfast and family togetherness and all the holiday hoopla. This year its feeling pretty forced. Opening up those decorations stung a bit, not hanging up a certain stocking was hard on both of us, and realizing my own stocking would not contain my traditional holiday slinky is not as easy to come to terms with as I'd hoped it would be.
There is a big part of me that wants to hide under the covers and wait for the holiday to pass me by while shouting obscenities at carolers. The other part sucks it up, frosts a sugar cookie, plasters on a smile, and tells the first half to shut her bitch mouth and get making with the cheer dammit.
Anybody out there have any advice for getting through your first Christmas as a single mom? Or for a good, Heavens Gate style eggnog? Just kidding of course.
[caption id="attachment_642" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Kinda How I feel sometimes"]
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28 comments:
You will get through this.
thanks lady
[...] having it be your first holiday season as a single mom. Tough stuff. This is the kind of stuff that Mediocre Mama is going [...]
came over via unknown mami, sugar. she's right, you know, you WILL get through this, but it won't, no matter what anyone says, be easy. BUT at the end, when all the papers are signed and it's official YOU will be all the stronger for it. hang in there, honey and keep on truckin!! xoxoxo
I agree with Mami. You will get through this. Christmas let me down long ago. My parents did it so big and so glamarous that when I became an adult I was instantly depressed. They don't even do my stocking anymore.. just the grandkids. Who cares that I'm 42 I want to push all the grandkids out of the way (incl. my own) and re-stake my claim of the childhood xmas that once was.
It will get better. I had to make my own tradition. I am a single parent as well. I am going through a divorce now, and was seperated 5 years ago the night before Thanksgiving. I found out he quit his job and was sleeping with my neighbor while I was hard at work... needless to say its taken until recently for Thanksgiving not to be tarnished for me.
Hold your head up high, and make your own tradition. If it still sucks email me we can rant together!
ok, I'll get the water balloons and meet you out back to start the attack on the carolers...
Get out from under those covers girl.
...Those obscenities won't throw themselves.
(-:
I know all too well what you are going through right now. My exhusband was the exhusband from hell at that time. He made sure to out do me and any efforts I made to celebrate Christmas with our five kids. I had been a stay at home day care Mom for 18 years with very little experience working outside the home so I had very limited money. I had no money for a tree let alone gifts for the kids and he knew this...my ex who had rarely participated in Christmas with the kids and I all those years we were together, kicked it in to full gear just because he could and I couldn't. He went hog wild with the presents and decorating. At the time, it was pure hell trying to explain this all to the kids. Now that they are grown up they understand.
Being newly single at the holidays really can suck but it can also force you to do simple things and to really know who your friends are...and to realize that you are a lot stronger than you thought and it's an opportunity to make new traditions and memories for yourself and your kids. I remember wanting to pull the covers over my head and wanting to hide until the holidays were over. I've never met you before today but wish I could give you a hug right now. I pray that as the holidays come and go that you will be surrounded with peace, hope for better days to come, joy and love. Here's to new lives and new beginnings. Cheers. And hugs. XXX
Been there, done that, about 30 years ago. All I can say is it gets better. Chin up. Be strong. hugs.
I lost my beloved husband in August. He died very suddenly. This is our first Christmas without him. I don't even have the satisfaction of bad mouthing him to my family or throwing a temper tantrum.
I don't suppose this will cheer you up. But.... I can tell you that you will get through Christmas. So will I. I tell myself that there are many, many other people who have it so much worse than me. I have a home, I have a family that loves me, I have food to put on the table for my children.
I bet if you think about it you have a lot to celebrate too.
I'm sorry that you're going through this but it will get better. It sucks in the meantime-but it will get better. I watched my mom & dad go through a divorce (as my husband and I were making wedding plans)....and though it had been a long time coming it still sucked. Big {Hugs} mama. It's going to get better (and I'll be praying for you if that's any consolation ;-) ).
Well, I came over from Mami. She is on a crusade (an honorable one) to get you comments.
This is a very humorous but heartfelt look at your holidays. I'm always hoping that I'M the one that provokes the "YOU ARE RUINING CHRISTMAS" comment. It's kinda a goal of mine.
Hope your Christmas is not half as bad as you expect it to be. Ah, who am I kidding. We all just grin and bear it sometimes.
Embrace those sisters. Hug your daughter (and the roommate if you so choose) and realize that this year you get to start your own traditions (and go back to ones that you missed). It is definitely a bittersweet moment, maybe more bitter than sweet, but you will make it. You will find yourself laughing and having fun at some point during this holiday...and you will build a new life.
I'm sure you'll get through this dear bloggy friend.
Visiting from Mami.
stopped over from Unknown Mami - Divorce sucks and some are worse than others. There were plenty of crappy sad times for me and my two daughters that divorce year and for sometime after. I think their mother really messed up our oldest daughter. But hey it is the holidays and I should be cheering you up. Well the reality is the holidays are not always cheerful and sometimes downright miserable because there is a general expectation of joy surrounding it. But from what you wrote, I take it you have one thing that makes the holidays fun - a child. I really believe Christmas is for kids.
So don't through anything at me for this but Merry Christmas.
I am so sorry for your loss, the first Christmas without my dad was torture. Your positive outlook is an inspiration, and I appreciate everyones kind comments its all so helpful, really. Thanks to everyone! And to Mami for her comment crusade!
Sometimes I wonder if we block out all the crazy, stupid stuff at the holidays in favor of the good stuff because otherwise it would be a huge disappointment. There are years (even without divorce and all the pain associated) that I would rather just forget the whole thing. I hope it gets easier and that your stocking runeth over. If not, let me know -- I will fill your stocking in January. :)
Stopping by from Unknown Mami. Hoping you have a merry Christmas after all. I don't have any advice or words of wisdoms, just good wishes.
I feel for you. You are giving me a glimpse into my possible future. I may be in your shoes next x-mas but this x-mas my husband is driving me up the wall and all I want is to get away from him. I hope you can find some joy in a new start and maybe create some new traditions. Good luck to you!
UM gave us the 411 on you :)
I think the hardest part is trying to figure out what traditions are "yours" and what were "ours." You will want to be sure and keep "your" traditions or your family traditions and decide on the ones that were made into "ours." You might need to rethink the stocking thing, making it OK to have friends and family fill the stocking. Instead of making it a husband job, think of it more as a Santa job :) Your friends are of course your Santas! As your child (children?) I'm not sure how many you have since I'm new here - as your child gets older, they might like to be the stocking filler.
I think you're doing great. You're getting out there and not dressed in the Hoodie-Footie day and night. This year is going to be hard, but I bet it's going to be wonderful, too. Just different.
Kristin - The Goat
Unknown Mami sent me over and I'm glad she did. This too shall pass. I cannot begin to compare my life to yours. I did survive my first Christmas after my 3 babies died - a Christmas where I thought I was going to get to fill stockings for 3 precious beings and instead had empty arms. I survived my first Christmas after my sister died. No one to call to wish Merry Christmas. No special trip to visit. You will get through this. Be thankful that you have friends and family to get you through this. It will be difficult, no doubt. Best of luck to you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
I'm sure it feels impossible, but all those who said you will get through this are right. You will do it in your own way and you will look back and be proud of yourself.
Hi, I've come from Unknown Mami. I can understand how difficult it must be for you. All the crass publicity Christmas gets tells us that you must be part of a happy family and always be in the best of spirits at Christmas. Well, it's just a day like any other in many ways, and I think the key to enjoying Christmas is to have no expectations, just try to make it happy for others because you tend to get out of these occasions what you put into them.
Wishing you all the best.....
http://gaelikaa.blogspot.com/2010/12/commenting-blogging-activity.html
I've been there, but I don't really have any advice. I mostly just wallowed and felt really sorry for myself. At least you have that huge crazy family to take your mind off of things hopefully?!
And the second Christmas after my divorce was seriously the best one EVER. And I hope yours is too!
Oh... um, I forgot to introduce myself... My name is Classic, I'm a friend of Mami's...
I've never been a single mom (or an attached one, for that matter) but I have gone through the indecency of a post-divorce holiday season (more than one, in fact), and as I understand it, there's life on the other side of it. It was pretty rough, though. I feel you.
At least you have your children. And your family. And all of us out here in blog-land. ::hugs::
Hang in there! It's hard - but the best way out of hell is through it... unfortunately.
I know how hard it can be. Just remember you have the pinkone still, and she is still your family and you can create new holiday memories with her. I wish you didn't have to omit that someone, I wish you wouldn't have been put in that position at all, but since you have been... you can make it through. You totally can. Like you said, you're headed for Mom and Dad's and you'll do totally what you please.
I am like you... I am griswaldish (I like your term) about Christmas. I want it all. Two years ago, however, I was left alone for Christmas in a blizzard with a broken ankle while the rest of the family was out of state. I dreaded Christmas that year. I wanted nothing to do with it because I was going to be alone. But then my sister surprised me by sending me a text on Christmas morning and sending me on a scavenger's hunt through my house to find gifts she had hidden the last time she had visited me. That was all it took to make me get through Xmas. I cried at the thoughtfulness and at how I never noticed that these things were there all that time.
Wereostrich?! Now that is something I've never heard of before and I love it! So creative!
I've been through it, but without kids so I know I can't feel your pain as acutely. If you lived her I will totally fill your stocking. And I'm glad you have family to lean on and soon you'll know you can fill your own stocking and not worry about him. Then maybe you'll fnd a new stocking filler.
this sounds kind of dirty? stocking filler...eh...eh? no. okay.
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