Its been awhile again, I'm totally slacking on my postage. Sorry all. But for today's enjoyment, here is a list of reasons I am a terrible person, and I kind of am.10) I steal-mostly innocuous things. I've been known to slide a roll of Starbucks toilet paper in my purse in a weak moment. I've made off my husbands sweatshirt or a roommates granola bar. I look innocent and stare at my feet when accused. Its wrong...and I'm sorry.
9) I haven't found Jesus-sorry everyone, I'm still looking. I'm pretty faithful, i'm a good person, (no wait, i'm a bad person that's why i'm writing this) but i don't do the church thing. I don't get church, I've tried to get it, and there are a couple that I actually liked. But i hate waking up on Sunday, that really the main reason. Sorry Jesus.
8) I swear...ALOT. In front of children, i have such shame. Not just little d-bombs either, full on F-150's. My husband hates it, my mother hates it, it makes me appear less intelligent, but I love to swear. It enhances my sentences. Sorry kids. Don't repeat adults.
7) I am often late to work-usually by a full 5-6 minutes. In my defence, I have to get to work by 5am so the fact that I arrive at all, is pretty damn good.
6) I smoke. Everyone knows that only bad guys smoke. I secretly have a Snidley Whiplash mustache and a top hat that I wear whenever I light up my Camel Filter. Be careful, I might tie you to the railroad tracks
5) I'm a terrible driver. You know that kind you often accuse of being a particular race or age? well its me. I cute people off, usually on accident. I'm not one of the speeding reckless drivers, i'm one of the overly cautious 50 in a 75 zone kind of drivers. I'm sorry. It's just who i am.
4) I don't really like other people's kids. I'm okay at dealing with them for a while, especially babies, because babies are usually cute. (ugly babies though...well thats another thing that makes me a bad person) I was always a crappy babysitter, more apt to put on a movie and get on the phone than to engage children in various craft projects.
3) I judge. I don't want to judge, and i am constantly asking people to keep from judging me, but here we are...and I'm judging. I judge your mom jeans, and that guys need to ride a unicycle. I judge ugly babies and conservative bumper stickers. I'm sorry. I won't say it to your face if that helps.
2) I do that thing where i see someone i know, and if i don't want to talk to them, i put my head down or pull out my cell phone so they think I'm busy. I screen calls to. Also, please note...if i don't answer, don't come over, just a good rule of thumb to avoid that judgment i talked about earlier.
1) Finally....I blog. narcissistically. I expect the general public to give a shit about my life and eat it up, comment on it, tweet it, shout it to the roof tops. I blog. I'm a bad person. And I'm okay with that.
What makes you a bad person?
3 comments:
I wouldn't necessarily say you're a "bad" person.... Honest, yes... at least here. And, definitely funny... which, to me, makes up for some of that other stuff! I don't get church either... but have grand faith in God. All in all, no judgement from this imperfect mom! Thanks for sharing your pov. Always a welcome deterent from my day-to-day drudgery and unexpected entertainment!
Ummmm let's see.....I just stumbled over here and amazingly this is the first post of your I see. So as for your list...
10)Me too....mostly Q-tips outta peoples bathrooms, it's an illness
9)I did find Jesus, I just decided to leave him in the building I found him in.
8)Me too, like a sailor. I like the way the F-word w=makes my mouth tingly.
7)I am always on time but I screw off early with little lame excuses.
6)Me too....again. Are you sure we're not the Olsen Twins?
5)I AM THE speeding, reckless insano woman driver everyone bitches (see? see?) about.
4)Me too. Ugly babies render me stupified. I have nothing nice to say.
3)Actually I love to judge, sneeringly and quietly to myself mind you - because at my core I am a judging coward.
2)Dude, I wear an Ipod grocery shopping so no one talks to me. In my small town I am forever running into gaping mouths who want to talk about this or that.
1)Blog on. I will. I even left you my addy....
So, if we start a secret society, can we get jackets?
Hi new friend, I am now following you via MBC.
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