It is 7am and I have counted to 2 and a half seven times in the last 15 minutes. Guess what good it’s done?
She's wearing a shirt... but that's it.
Every morning we go through this same ritual, I wake her gently, she refuses to rise. I go about my business for another 10 minutes, and, like a snooze alarm, materialize in her room, slightly more insistent this time, coaxing her to wake up. She again, refuses, this time hiding under Night Night (see A Day in the Life for an explanation of Night Night)
I give her another 5 minutes, and now I'm pissed, my pink headed sleeping beauty is showing no sign of rising with out physical force.
"GET UP NOW! 1....2....2 1/2...." and she’s up, slowly, but up.
Why do parents think that counting to 3 is an effective form of communicating urgency? For my kid anyway, all I get out of this ritual is watching her move ever so slightly to the left, just before I hit 3, and then I start again when the next demonstration of "slack" presents it self.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
"What happens at 3 exactly?" I can hear her pink mind musing. "A spankin'? loud voice? mean words? a cookie? Ooh, it might be a cookie...I'm just going to see what happens, just in case it is a cookie"
And I watch her, as she processes my warnings and threats, moving at a snails pace, attempting to pick her underwear off the floor with her toes, and then my face gets hot, and my voice comes out of my mouth at that register I didn't know I could produce.
"PUT YOUR DAMN PANTS ON NOW"
"Don't yell at me MUVVER, you haffa talk NICE!"
So now we are arguing, and arguing is NOT how I envisioned communicating with my daughter, even at 4. I dreamed that we would be like Lorali and Rory , laughing over coffee and talking really fast while referencing pop culture trivia, but so far anyway, it has not been in the cards for us.
What is the alternative to the old "counting to 3?" My mother still does it, and my sisters and I are all well over 18 at this point. Yet, we still scurry into the living room looking for our marching orders, but not before she hits 2 3/4.
I have tried the quiet, rational conversation attempt, the list of potential repercussions, including the definition of repercussion. And even, the viable alternative tract.
Each of these, supposedly "more effective communication models" end in one of three scenarios
1) Why? asked in succession until the mother drops to the floor in tears of exasperation
2) The daughter rejects all options presented and instead opts to cartwheel naked
3) One, or both of us, start to cry, and/or scream
I think a big reason we have this fight every morning is that my little person has recently realized how little control she has in this world. She doesn't get to choose her school, her size, whether she can drive or pump gas, she doesn't get listened to most of the time and I can see why she might feel frustrated and instead of getting dressed, opt to cartwheel.
According to Family Education the trick is setting up a routine, and letting her take part in that routine.
"You are absolutely correct about a good morning routine helping your child get ready for school. In the evening, pick out the next day's school clothes with your child and pack and place his book bag by the door. Set an alarm clock to give sufficient time for dressing. Have a scheduled time for a family breakfast to get the day started together. Be sure to enlist other family members' help in caring for the newborn and preparing breakfast. Most important of all, leave enough time after breakfast to cuddle your child and read a story together before he must leave for school."
I would KILL for snuggle time and family breakfast before school, but the reality of the situation is that I already have to wake her at 6am, and even when she goes to bed at 7, she doesn't want to get up, most of our clothes aren't dry the night before, Daddy is gone by 5 and if I want any hope of brushing my own teeth I have to let her sleep in just a tiny bit.
So how do we get out of the numbers game, how do we give them a choice in what their world looks like without destroying our own?
According to most of the parenting blogs and child rearing books I've read, the key is consistency and tangible consequences. I know that Lily is much more apt to listen when I preclude the count to 3 with "I'm going to count to 3, and if you aren't dressed there will be no...(insert favorite vice of the moment)" as opposed to my other favorite, with an equal fail rate, of bribing her, "If you are dressed by the time I count to 3 we'll get Starbucks!" This works about 25% of the time, the rest of the time, she isn't dressed by 3 but we get Starbucks anyway because now mommy wants it. Consistency and follow through are NOT my strong points.
So all the 1-2-3 Discipline Magic books and all the child psychologists and parenting experts have nothing to contribute when it comes to lazy mothers, insolent pre-schoolers, and 15 minute increments of morning time in which to wash, dress, brush, and pack lunches.
I am very aware that i could remedy this situation with an alarm clock for her and a pre-packed lunch the night before, I am also aware that this will probably not happen while I'm working full time and alone in the morning.
My goal instead is to make up for it in the evening. Rough mornings can equal extra snuggles before bed and a long story with pictures. I vow to at least attempt consistency when counting to 3, at least until I find a more viable method for getting this child to bend to my will.
Any ideas?
