For the third time in a week I have heard or seen people, some that I actually respect, one that I supposedly love, look at me in horror, and protest adamantly that they are most definitely NOT a Feminist.
What?
In the words of my idol, Margaret Cho, "If you aren't a feminist, you should just kill yourself"
All genius of Ms Cho aside, there are few comments that leave me speechless, but this is one of them. Two of these people were women, and one was my husband. What is it with the fear surrounding the title, philosophy, army boot uniform procurement, of calling yourself a feminist.
What is the problem here? I think, as far as the husband goes, he has this idea that to consider ones self a feminist, one must be, well, a woman. Which is a common misconception among men. In anger and shock I yelled at him, "Did you come from, or in a vagina at any point in your life? Then you better be a fucking feminist." a little crass, but the point I was trying to make was that as a man who loves his mother, and his wife, and for that matter, his daughter, and wants them to live in a world where their voices are heard and they are treated equally, he is, unbeknown-st to himself, a feminist.
Him, I can understand to a degree, he still doesn't believe me, and I'm sure my emphatic use of the word "vagina" did not help my cause, but he continues to be a loving husband and father, and a man who recognizes his bawdy, brash, strong wife as an equal partner in their relationship and in the world, so I am willing to forgive his ignorance.
Now, we come to the women.
COME ON GIRLS!
Why, as independent, strong willed, mothers of daughters, and intelligent women of the new millennium would any of us deny, or even be offended by, being called a feminist? When did feminism become a dirty word?
A post I was reading on The F Word tonight summed it up
"While few women would disagree with the need for gender equality, a wedge has somehow been driven between this and the cause of feminism, the two are no longer synonymous. To most, the mere mention of feminism evokes rolled eyes or an indulgent chuckle, it is a caricature of its former self and deserted by my generation like a elderly parent forced to rely on the state for care in old age."
Is it the equation with extreme gender politics? The idea that marching is mandatory? Is it an armpit hair thing? Don't worry ladies, I just reviewed my handbook, and shaving is okay now! Thank you Third Wave Feminism!
It might also be this constant squabble between the various factions of feminism that I have been noticing a lot of. Within any movement, there is a tendency for rouge sects to form. But somehow within the feminist movement we have gotten on this kick of trying to out victimize each other, and that shit has GOT to stop.
A post i was reading awhile back, unfortunately I can't find it again, was talking about all of mommy bloggers out in the blogosphere and how our voices, while important, we not as important as the childless feminists out here in the blogosphere, and how those who were childless were being marginalized by those that chose to have children. oh please. I'm way too busy wiping stuff off my ceiling to marginalize you. But then the comments came in, from the lower socioeconomic blogging moms, the blogging moms of color, the queer blogging moms of color, the queer Latina one legged blind childless dog aficionado male identified blogging feminists. What is with this need to assign a taxonomy to ourselves? Maybe this is my white, lower middle class, child choosing privilege talking, but why aren't we uniting to boost ourselves up, instead of dividing to tear each other down? If any thing would give me pause to keep from claiming the moniker of "Feminist" that would be it, I don't want to be seen as 1) a victim or 2) one who victimizes of my fellow women.
I'll admit, I'm a lazy feminist, I haven't protested a damn think outside of my living room and the occasional re-post on facebook, I haven't donated money to any kind of cause, and I've haven't taken a stand publicly about the thousands of images of abuse and exploitation that bombard my television every night, but regardless, I am still willing to claim the title, that's my little contribution to the cause, take it or leave it.
If you are one of those many women that shudder, or roll your eyes at being labeled a feminist, or a man that is convinced you have to have a vagina to respect someone that has one, take a look at the list below and see if there is even one thing you relate to, if you do, "You just might be...a Feminist" embrace it, and shave your legs, I won't tell.
Why I am a Feminist, by Amy Hickel
10) I firmly believe that women, of all colors, sexualities, and socioeconomic classes, have been overlooked, demonized, demoralized, sexualized and exocticized in the media for the benefit of giant advertising dollars. It has been time for that to stop since the first beer add was chiseled on a cave wall with a cave lady in a skimpy saber skin bending over a wheel.
09) I believe that the voices of women are every bit as important, and in many cases, more important than the voices of the white male majority, or any other person. Not becuase we necessarily have better, or more important things to say, but becuase we have been left out of conversations that impact us directly for far too long. Regardless of your stance on reproductive rights, the ERA, or public health care, these things affect us, and our voices MUST be heard so that we aren't left out in the cold wondering where our birth control ran off to. Its about choice, the choice to wear your baby, or to not have one at all, to choose to stay home, or go to work, to know that some people don't get that choice and not begrudge them what they have to do to survive. To choose to wear pearls, or to fatigues, to march against, or for, your country, to know that no one else gets to make those choices for you and to keep it that way.
08) I believe that history was written by white men, advertised by white men, and taught for far too long by white men. There is so much more to history than the books we are given in school and the regurgitated rhetoric we hear from our grandparents. Taking it upon ourselves to learn what we want to know, and not accept blindly everything we are taught not only makes us more intelligent as a population, but stronger. Only by knowing our history can we keep from repeating our mistakes.
07) I love men, some of my best friends are men, good men, who, whether they want to admit it or not, are feminists. I love men so much that I want them to have the same voice that I want in my government, in the media, and in the history books. I love men so much I want to work with them everyday, be the boss of some of them, and even let one or two be boss over me. I want to be paid the same for doing the same work and I don't want that to have to even be a factor in the decision making process when I am hired. I want men to have paternity leave, and benefits, and to not feel bad about how they look, or whether they cry when they watch the Notebook, you would have to have a heart of stone not to cry at that movie its so freaking sad! Men are not the problem, women are not the problem, the problem is that we have been taught, by people who were taught, that were taught by other people, that the status quo is okay, that standing up for yourself, your rights, and the way the world views you is somehow unpatriotic or uncouth. Well, it isn't, lets un learn those lessons.
06) I love balls. Baseballs, softballs, soccer balls, volleyballs, you name it, I'll hit kick or put it. There is a whole generation of women out there that need female role models that play with balls, and show them that playing with balls is okay, and a hell of a lot better than doing drugs, getting knocked up, or using your body to get what you want. Those women that like balls need to show the little girls that like balls that you can play sports, and be feminine, and that feminine, does not always mean hairless and coated in makeup, but if that is what your idea of feminine is, then go for it. Along with allowing you to play with balls, allowing you to define your own femininity is just as, if not more, important.
05) I Don't want to hate my body. I struggle with it, who doesn't? but I really want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and thing "cool". I want to see women that look like me, or, at least a more interesting and together version of me, on TV, and not always as the "Fat but quirky friend" I want to be the STAR DAMMIT. I know so many actresses, writers, drama nerds, and musicians that are amazingly talented and beautiful, trying to break out of their small town theater groups, but are too afraid to try becuase they don't have "the look" whatever that look may be at this moment. I want my daughter to turn on the freaking WB one day and see a tall, gangly, pink headed smart ass with buck teeth and think, "I want to grow up to be just like that".
04) I want real choices for my daughter. I want her to find a way other than by using her body, to be loved. I want her to know that her voice is important, and that her brain, sass, and manners, are what will help her get ahead in life. I don't want her to think that her worth lies in the eyes of a man, or another woman, or a group of them. I want her to know that feeling pain is not the only way to feel. I want her to know that being a feminist is not only okay, its kick ass! And if she wants to grow up to be a princess, or a doctor, or a princess doctor like she said last week, she has just as much of a chance of doing it as anyone else does.
03) I don't want to be afraid to go out alone at night, or in the city during the day, and I don't want hate or fear of the unknown to extend to my family. I don't want my son (well, future son hopefully) to think its okay to call women "bitches" "cunts" or "whores" or anyone a "fag" or "queer" or use the term "that's so gay" becuase teaching our kids that words have power is just as important as teaching them to read. When they use these phrases, they make someone else small, and leave that kid just a little bit dumber than he was before he said it. I don't want dumb kids, Sponge Bob is doing enough to turn them stupid, I don't want language doing it too. I want them to know that words can hurt, and words can heal, and words can lift up. Instead of commenting on someones fat tummy they can comment on their nice eyes. Or they can say hello to that person and get to know who they are and judge them on their merits once they have given them a chance.
02) I don't want to apologize for myself. In college, every woman in my class would preface her answers with "I don't know but, " or "I'm sorry but..." before answering a question. Why? I don't think we need to apologize for wanting to contribute to the universal dialogue. I refuse to ask permission to contribute my say in my marriage or at my job, especially when the decisions being made directly affect my happiness and well being. I think 98% of men don't feel we need to ask permission to participate in class, or at work, or in our families, stop asking permission, stop apologizing for having a voice, use it!
01) I am a woman. I was born a woman, and by the grace of whatever God is out there I was put in the right body at the right time. We are a society on the out edges of a technological Renaissance. Lets stop wasting it on Viagra and boob jobs please? Ladies, pen a sonnet, sing a song, start a blog, just get your voice out there. Men, do the same and support your women and they will support you. Being a woman does not make you inferior, and admitting that women are equally important in the advancement of society does not make a man less masculine. Use these new technologies to support each other, create things, share them with each other, and learn more about the world than what is piped in by Comcast every night.
I'm good with being a woman, a chubby, plain, loud mouthed, smooth legged, opinionated feminist Mommy that doesn't see anything wrong with being who she is, most days any way, and wants to embrace that F word, Feminist, I'm takin' it back.
Are you?
